I wake up each morning thinking about you. I still expect to see you there next to me in bed when I wake up. Every now and then I think I hear you in the kitchen whipping up something good to eat like you always used to do. I catch a whiff of your perfume and I turn around looking for you. It’s torture. I miss you so much. You were my wife for 32 years and now you’re gone. Cancer took you away 3 years ago and I still haven’t let you go. There is no replacement for you. I gave you all my love. There’s nothing left to give. Everyone keeps telling me to move on. To try dating or to at least just go out to dinner with another woman. They tell me to sign up for one of those online dating things for people over 60. I’m sure there are some very interesting women, but none of them will be my Regina. None of them will be you. You were one of a kind. You stole my heart the minute I met you. We both attended that dinner party with different dates, but we kept finding ourselves talking all throughout the night much to our dates dismay. We spent 32 years talking, laughing, and loving. How do I just let that go? Why do people think I should? It’s not like I don’t get out and see people. I just don’t want to date. I don’t want to find someone else. You were my one and only. You’re not here, but I still feel better when I talk to you like this. You could always make me feel better with just a kiss to my forehead or by just holding my hand. No one else will have that magic. I don’t care what people say. Maybe some other people do have more than one love in a lifetime, but I am not one of those people. How do I tell people that? How do I make them understand that I am okay without all of that? I just want to be me now. I just want to be there for our kids and grandkids. I don’t want to start over. I don’t want to start new traditions. I don’t want to meet a new family and have to go through all that again. I’m happy with what I have left. I will be with you again someday, but for now I have this life to live. Yes, sometimes it’s hard, sometimes it’s downright torture being without you, but I am the man I am today because of you and I don’t want to change that. So I will continue to to live day by day. I will have good days and bad. I will miss you so much I will cry, but I will keep living. I will keep going until we’re together again.
I am a 40 year old Fangirl who loves to read, watch TV/movies, collect Funko Pop! figures and is trying to get in shape. When I turned 40 last year, I decided it was time I began chasing my dreams, having fun, and start ticking things off of my bucket list. I hope you will join me for my adventures in my next 40 years years.
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